Fun, spirited night last night which really should've been at most mediocre due to the lack of planning or direction. My roommate, and another friend took the bus downtown and just drank at a bunch of douchey places that I wouldn't normally hang out. But of course, that became the modus operandi that entire night: if it looked like a dumb place, let's go in, get a drink and "dance."
I did something mildly annoying and stupid which was drunkenly text my friend who I frequently sleep with. I immediately regretted the decision as I was coming to the realization that I'm not moving on from whatever "relationship" we had and falling back to these intense feelings I had for her. Worse yet, I got into an argument with my roommate about this situation and threatened to "beat the shit out of him." This argument started because, first and foremost, I was feeling very vulnerable and just embarrassed for myself. And then came feelings of inadequacy and frustration about the "dating" life that I've become accustomed to. So, when looking for some consolation or some sort of empathy, I was especially sensitive to sarcasm and the "I told you so" faux-wisdom. Fortunately, I was able to see my mistake and apologize for the immature outburst.
Sometimes I feel like I overromanticize romantic relationships as being this cure-all ailment for my own short-comings. And this sort of delusion can only lead me on an unforgiving track towards the unhealthy, yet comfortable women that I always fight for the approval of.
As weird as it sounds, reading some Cornel West helped out a lot even during a hungover, self-hating haze. I guess this is the time more than ever, to put my initializing pedal to my philosophical metal.
Also, bitches ain't shit.
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