Saturday, April 9, 2011
It's a wonderful saturday and it couldn't have come sooner. As I wind down with "Naked Gun" in my charlie brown boxers, I soak in the rest and healing that my self-esteem has been craving for some time. The first week of work was incredibly frustrating and really made me re-consider the choices I've made career wise. However, it is my first few days of working after being gone for a month, so I should cut myself some slack. It felt like it was my first week of work again, except this time around I'm expected to know this and know that and do this and correct that. If I weren't gone from work due to tragic circumstances, I'd imagine these things would be duties I'd take on, but they seem to just cut deep into my old fears of inadequacy. I know things will get better and I know I'll start doing "better" which will make me feel smarter...but for now, I'm loving being curled up on the couch.
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Even if you do crap work, I'll still be your friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you! That actually is very nice. I'm not sure why I'm always surprised by this because it happens often enough, but I'm always surprised by how productivity or at least feeling effective is strongly connected to my self-worth. And the dilemma being, what are things I can do to feel productive if I'm in a mindset where I am too afraid to fail which leads me to not be productive?
ReplyDeleteFrom what I read, it seems like you're worried about failing yourself, which is actually great because you have all of the necessary control to improve the situation! I suggest that you change how you measure productivity to something that's a function of how much effort you put it. Therefore, if you don't try, you failed, but if you do try enough, you succeeded.
ReplyDeleteWhat if I inflate the measure of my success by starting from the "inner shaft?" You know what I'm talking about *fist bump
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